22 Nov

I was SO EXCITED to have a garden when we moved into House. Food things made from nothing but my dirt and my own sweat! Doesn’t that sound DELICIOUS? And fun! It was going to be an edible metaphor for how grown-up and put together I am in life.

First, there were slugs, who ate holes in all the leaves of any plant large enough to have leaves. Then there were squirrels, who rampaged through anything starting to remotely sprout (<3 u 4eva, strawberry plant. We would’ve had good times).  THEN there was the ultimate betrayer, in the form of one mangy stray dog. It is poetically ironic, since the two reasons I wanted a house were for a dog and a garden. And then the dog destroyed my garden. Touche, Life.

So, if you are keeping track, that is a total of THREE garden apocalypses. BUT I NEVER LET GO, JACK. I replanted after it all. I bought slug repellent, I planted plants the internet said would not tempt squirrels, and I built a little wire mesh cage over the whole thing (which Cosmo still gazes at longingly).

AND I HAD SUCCESS. I got one little itsy bitsy little pepper. And then the first frost hit, and I stopped paying attention, because the wire mesh cage is really ungainly to lift off the garden, and fuck if I was going to go out there and lift it every freezing morning to remove plant blankets on the three tiny plants that were still maybe alive.

But, lo, the Garden Gods have seen my toil and travails, and SOMETHING IS GROWING. It is thriving despite the frost, and even some snow! The problem is that I have no idea what it is. I replanted this last round knowing that it probably wouldn’t have much time to grow, and that it would be hit by lightening or SOMETHING, because I am not allowed to be a gardener, apparently. So when at the nursery for the FOURTH time, picking out what I figured were my soon-to-be-dead plants, I was in total farm-kid mode. Didn’t want to get too attached, didn’t want to name the pig that I knew was going to be slaughtered. I just bought whatever was on sale, and put it in the ground. And this is what I got:


I have no idea what it is!!!! I am hoping maybe broccoli, which is frost-tolerant and the internet tells me looks like this:

Which is pretty close, right? But it maybe is collard greens:

Not a perfect match, but maybe? Mostly I just want to know if I should eat the big green leaves now, before they are killed by whatever decides to kill them, or if something is going to sprout (broccoli, mystery-vegetable-patch-kids, etc) and I need to bide my time.

Any ideas?

close-up mystery plant


One Response to “”

  1. vivren November 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm #

    It looks like broccoli to me! Especially with those tiny leaf outcroppings from the same stalk. I don’t think flat leaf kale does that.

    Also, mad props for the Titanic reference.

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