Evil Elms

26 Sep

I think I have nature-murder related PTSD. I woke up on Friday to noises in our backyard, convinced it was a mountain lion. While this isn’t too crazy a fear to have around here, it wasn’t a mountain lion. It was probably a mountain raccoon.

Then last night I had a dream that a huge sinkhole opened in our backyard and I was desperate to save our garden. It was close enough to a nightmare that Stephen woke me up because I was sounding very distressed in my sleep. I have taken to keeping  a pair of flipflops under my side of the bed in case we need to escape from a tree falling on us in the night. Foot covering is important in that event, as there are twigs and (worse) spiders everywhere.

I feel like that chick in the Halloween TAL episode who says that after she was attacked by a rabid raccoon she didn’t trust nature (it’s one of my favorite episodes ever, so you should listen to it, if you haven’t). I side-eye every tree we pass. They give us their sweet fruit candy and lure us into complacency, then CRASH! Smushville.

they are always watching. always waiting for the time to strike.

"One in five homes will one day be attacked by a tree."--National Institute of Tree Attack Awareness


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