Confession of a former vegetarian

11 Aug

Remember my exotic flamboyant and oh-so-fun mystery disease?

 Well, I still have check-ups for it every few weeks. These consist of me giving the doc some various fluids, and the doc testing those fluids to find out my body’s various levels of flavor-crystals and unobtanium and other important minerals and such that keep me alive. I don’t mind too much, because my doctor’s pretty kickass (on my first visit I convinced her to buy a kindle, even though I don’t own one myself, so now every time I see her we have kindle-related chats. It’s cozy). I wouldn’t mind at all if not for the redonk copay (extra-high because I have to see a specialist) and needles;  having someone ask to analyze my pee every two weeks gives me a strange feeling of power that I don’t have in the rest of my life.

So, I was there about a month back, and she asked how I was feeling, and I said fine, except I was really tired all the time. Like, go to bed at 8pm tired. Now, as all my former roommates and night-owl friends can attest, I am not naturally a night person. But this was beyond even my usual sleepy-self. It wasn’t anything I would normally bring up, except Mystery Disease-o-Doodle has made me a bit of a hypochondriac, and my doctor’s insistence of me calling her anytime I feel remotely off wasn’t helping (there might have been a minor Deadly Chest Infection Scare back in May, that turned out to be just a throat tickle). Between my body eating itself and the major meds it took to stop my body from eating itself, there are several things she’s still watching out for, after-effect and side-effect wise. Anyway, in regards to my tiredness, doc was all, “are you eating enough meat?” and I was all . . . “does quinoa count as meat?”

Turns out, since I told my body it cannot eat itself, it now wants to eat other bodies! It’s actually my medicine’s fault, which kept my body from absorbing some iron and B12 and riboflavin (I think it was riboflavin. . . there was one more meaty-related vitamin that I can’t remember now), so I’m super ultra low on those. And on doctor’s orders, I must start consuming meat, a lot of meat, and not stop for a while. And sushi every day doesn’t cut it.

I have now had a full week of eating meat (including fish and eggs) at least once a day (I should’ve started sooner, since the fateful appointment was like a month ago, but I was being sad and stubborn about it and trying to will my body back to heartiness. Doesn’t work, sadly). This is tough for several reasons.

  1. I don’t want to eat beef or pork. Beef, I just feel icky about (though after a month of chicken I’m likely to get over that. As a kid I loved me some hamburgers), and I’ve never been a fan of where pork comes from (pigs are SO SMART, guys!). Which leaves chicken and fish and some game meats (elk is somewhat easy to get around here). Kinda boring?
  2. I don’t know how to cook meat. At all. Not in the “I don’t know how to make it taste scrumptious” way but more in the “I don’t know how to tell if it’s done, and do I need to wash it first? and why aren’t these fish de-boned??!” way.
  3. I refuse to buy any meat that does not have the “Certified-humane” sticker (which actually does mean something, as opposed to a lot of “organic” claims). Since there is only one store in Boise that sells humane meat, and the only humane meat it sells is chicken, this is a bit daunting. Also, paying for chickens to live a happy life is EXPENSIVE.
  4. Because of my pride and my “only happy dead animals!” philosophy, I don’t really want to tell others that I’m on the meat-wagon. Because then there will be much rejoicing in omnivore-ville, and offers of bacon feasts and such. Which, ok, maybe it won’t be that bad, because no one really cares what I eat, but the few people I’ve told already have mostly been OMG LETS GO GET BRAZILIAN BARBECUE. And I feel bad because they are being sweet and supportive, but I can only make myself eat meat that got a pedicure and hot stone massage before its slaughter. Right now, at least (I have other problems with meat-eating aside from the humane issue, but I am trying to ignore those for now. Being veg for 7 years should balance a few months of eating meat every day, right?).

I have yet to eat any fried chicken, and I am proud of myself for that. The pro side is that I already feel SO much more energized, and meat is tasty. Ain’t gonna lie. Chicken lickin’ good. And if anyone has any somewhat healthy recipes, or tricks for not salmonella-poisoning myself, I would appreciate it! Even though I am still vegetarian at heart . . . I am now omnivore at belly.


One Response to “Confession of a former vegetarian”


  1. Augustography 16.31 « Vivren - August 17, 2011

    […] got new socks as a present from a super cool (vegetarian) friend! This photo was taken in her honor. New Socks […]

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