Things I don’t understand, vol. 1

24 Feb

What is up with self-flushing toilets?

I get it. In theory. People don’t like to touch the toilet handles (which I don’t understand either, because you wash your hands after, DO YOU NOT? But that’s for another time), people don’t like to find a dirty bowl upon getting prepped to do their dirty business, so it’s forced cleanliness.

I didn’t really think about it till I starting working at a place with self-flushers. Now I think about it every time I have cause to use the self-flushing. Here’s my things I don’t understand:

  1. This is a professional workplace. Can we all agree that professionals know how to flush a toilet and can be trusted–nay, EXPECTED–to flush that said toilet?
  2. What happens if you don’t do butt business, but instead have to throw-up or toss out tissues? There is no way to flush these toilets. So your vomitus is there till someone adds something to it, and the toilet determines it’s flush time, because whatever robot toilet thing that figures out when you stand up won’t be doing its job. Gross.
  3. WORSE is when the robot is like, timed, or something. I recently had to provide a urine sample, for a drug test before getting said job, and it was an auto-flush toilet that auto-flushed like three times while I was trying to . . . collect myself. It was very, very disconcerting, and seems like an AWFUL decision on self-flushingness toilet placement.
  4. Ok, I know this is a gross list, but this could be the grossest, but also the most valid, argument. Sometimes, you need to see stuff. Like, think how traumatic it would be to just catch a glance at some blood (or really, any vivid, unexpected color) there and it be gone before you can properly process and/or remember if you ate beets. Your health is at stake! The robot toilets are killing us!
  5. Two words: cell phone. About 30% of my social circle has, at one point (or multiple points, in some cases) toilet-bowled their cell phone. It falls out of pockets and all that, it’s not even from just stall-texting (though I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of, whatev). And it would be a personal choice whether or not to rescue said phone, but I know some people who did, and in any case, even if you didn’t rescue the phone, you wouldn’t FLUSH it, right? I mean, worst case, you leave it there for the cleaning people to pull out with their sterile gloves. Because flushing it would mess up the pipes so bad! (I am assuming it would be anyway. Plumbers are free to correct me).
  6. I tried to think of this somehow environmentally, but no. The most environmental would be some “let it mellow” flushing, not a flusher that goes all out, all the time. Right?

That’s it. I would be happy to have someone explain this to me. Because really, all I see are cons to this whole robotic toilet situation.


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