Why I will forever hate divided highways

12 Nov

I finally got my Idaho driver’s license. After, what, only a year plus living here? (Note to any cops reading this: I am a student, so it’s ok).

Although the chairs in the waiting room were remarkably comfortable, the whole experience was stressful. I was terrified of not passing the eye exam. Completely illogically so, because I wear contacts so I’m pretty sure that my eye doc would have made sure that I could see well enough to drive. But the eye test is such a scary test. I can’t control it. I can’t parse it out or really focus on it and do well enough. I just have to trust that my mutant-football-shaped eyes are corrected enough that I can safely go vroom. One of my mom’s favorite stories from my childhood is from when I first got glasses. I put them on and said  to her “mom! Your head doesn’t look like Bert’s!” as in, until I was four I thought my mom was muppet-headed. This is why I don’t trust my eyesight.

But it turns out I should’ve worried about my brain, not my eyes, because I ALMOST FAILED THE FRIGGING WRITTEN TEST! I would’ve been so mortified. MORTIFIED if I’d failed. Some of the questions were so easy (like, how to yield on a left hand turn, which is one of my pet peeves, so I felt very snottily vindicated on that one). But I missed the FIRST question. And did not inspire confidence in myself in some of the other questions.

Ok, but what do you think this means:

The options were

A)     Divided Highway ends

B)      Divided Highway begins

C)      Something I don’t remember but that was wrong.

I chose B, because doesn’t it look like maybe that little tunnel thing in the middle is meant to be a car, and it’s entering the divided highway? I do not think I have ever seen this sign in my life, and that was as good as I could logic it out. But no. It was A, that it ENDS. I honestly want someone to explain the logic of this sign to me, because I don’t understand it. Also, I don’t really know what a divided highway is . . . a highway with a  median? Is that supposed to be the median ending. Oh. Wait. I think I get it now. Dammit! DAMN YOU DIVIDED HIGHWAYS YOU HAVE MADE A FOOL OF ME FOR THE LAST TIME. I refuse to drive on any of you, ever again. That’ll teach you.

I did bad on the signs in general. I missed the railroad sign, because they didn’t put the R’s in it, so I guessed it was a crossroads sign. Because I hardly ever see railroads, and when I do, there are big lights and barriers so I don’t pay attention to the sign telling me it’s there.

See, like this but without the R’s. Wouldn’t that look confusing?

Anyway. I am ok with it, because I passed. Just think how even MORE ranty this would be if I hadn’t! It was really my own damn fault for not realizing there would be a written test and maybe preparing (although how am I supposed to know the penalty for refusing a breathalyzer test? I have never refused one. And how is me knowing that penalty making me a good or bad driver? Hm, test? Yeah, whatchoo got to say for yourself NOW, test??). But the really stressful thing was, they let you skip questions. So I skipped all the questions I didn’t know, and they were all in a row at the end. And so I missed just enough so that it all rode on the last question. Which I didn’t realize at first. I was reading the last question, thinking it was ok if I got it wrong because I could get 7 wrong and pass but wait what does that say in the corner, it’s not 7 wrong and pass but that you get 7 wrong and fail gah PRESSURE! The question was: “what of the following choices means slow down and proceed with caution.” I THOUGHT blinking yellow, but they had blinking red on there too, which I never really understand because it means to stop, but why not just have a stop sign then? So I second guessed myself, but in the end, went with yellow. And was mellow. Because I passed! Phewzies.

End point: I have a license! And that’s all that matters. And my picture actually looks like I’m not a meth-head, as opposed to my Connecticut license. Which I only held on to so long because it made me feel exotic. But at least this license now has some blood sweat and tears associated with it. So even though the photo is dreary, I can look at it and feel TRIUMPHANT. And slightly stupid. But mostly triumphant.


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